Apparently, your computer "being unable to expand" a security patch and primary browser update is bad. Not only does the browser not work, but all of the nice convenient shortcuts don't either: no dock, no dashboard, etc. It won't even soft restart/shut down. And the software now says that it's up to date. I got the whole patch separately, but I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do with it once it's on my desktop.
I'm trying to decide whether I should take it in for a diagnostic and see if an expert can set me straight. This is fucking annoying.