darkskywatcher (darkskywatcher) wrote,
darkskywatcher
darkskywatcher

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(first thoughts on graduating)

Wow. What a pair of days it's been.
Currently I understand nothing about the significance of this transition, on a solid level.
For example, I looked at my college ID when I took it out of my pocket tonight and had to think to realize that I don't need it any more. That it is no longer an item of incredible importance in my life.
Incidentally, that ID survived four years attached to my keys exactly the way reslife tells you not to carry these items.
I have the piece of paper, but I don't consider it the symbolic representation of the last four years that it's supposed to be, and I don't know if I want it to. My current thinking is that it, like much of today, is designed for non-graduates. In the case of the actual diploma, it shows to others that I have done this thing.
I had to spend the afternoon after lunch frantically packing, and there was no goodbye to Beloit or Beloiters, by and large. I understand that this is theoretically something I should have done before, maybe, but I didn't. And now I haven't. Apologies to those I missed, but don't believe I am gone for good. I will make sure to say goodbye.
After all, you will follow this way in a year or two yourselves....
Now I am off to the twin cities, as I have decided that the thing I wanted and needed most after college was to eat lotus flowers for a while.
The interesting thing about this is that I am a worrier, prone to overthinking problems and situations that are often beyond my control. Certainly I did that plenty during this semester, resulting in a lot of unnecessary stress. In this case, at least right now, I have absolutely no fear of what I doing. I'm like Whylie E. Coyote, who ran out of cliff, but hasn't looked down.
Because I have run out of cliff: my life thus far has revolved around the academic calender, directly or not. Being away from that, in a place where, really, the only expectations on me personally(separable from the job I do, and the necessary social conventions) are those I hold for myself, is so different as to be floating in midair.
Well, I guess i just better keep on walking.
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